Those words set my teeth on edge. But why? My dear identical twins get lost in each others worlds through play for 95% of the time. I should be grateful. Nonetheless, those five little words wound me, let alone the twin whose company is spurned for this moment of independence and space building.
My eldest, a singleton, has never known living life as one side of a coin, one half of a pair, the end to someone elses beginning. Those words, despite his Aspergers, would not wound him in this way. But for a little girl whose norm is to have a perpetual play mate, a never-failing-you sidekick, it hurts and bewilders when a moment of solitude comes along.
Whilst it can just as easily be Pip uttering those words as it is Bug, whilst it’s always a fifty-fifty split, those words still hurt the spurned party because all of a sudden the rock of confidence has gone. All of a sudden you’re left to your own devices when normally your devices fit so perfectly with someone elses.
Yet it’s essential that each child gets the chance to have their moment of solitary play. At the moment they don’t have the maturity to realise it’s swings and roundabouts, often literally. We want to foster independence in these amazing girls, despite their identical DNA, so we need to embrace the moments of self-lead solitary play.
So for the moment Mum seems to do ok as the play-leader for the wounded party. I’m happy with second place. Now to teach them the skills to self-lead when there isn’t their inbuilt playmate.